"How do I know when it's time to switch careers?"
Career Advice
By Sandi Duffy, updated 6/10/2008 at 1:39:50 AM

Just before I turned thirty, I had a pre-midlife crisis. I had what most would consider to be a glamorous career in advertising; I traveled all over the country and met interesting and accomplished people. But I grew to hate it. The travel began to take a toll on me; I wanted to spend more time with my terminally ill father. My boyfriend and I were getting more serious and I hardly ever saw him. And, quite frankly, it wasn’t as if I was changing the world working in this field. I was ready for a change.

Any type of change can be scary, but changing careers can be especially terrifying. You need to ask yourself some important questions:

What are the financial implications of switching careers?
You are most likely facing starting at the bottom all over again. Will you still be able to pay your bills? Save for retirement? What about health benefits? If the answer is no to one or more of these questions, work in your current career a bit longer and put away money to meet your needs once you do switch. Set a goal for yourself. Tell yourself in one year I will have enough money put away in order to start at a lower salary in a more fulfilling career and still pay my bills.

How will this affect your ego?
There are esteem issues to think about. If you were in a high-level position in your previous career, how will you feel starting all over again to build a new career. You were the person giving orders? Are you prepared to take them?

Do you have the right educational background for your new career choice?
If not, how long will it take you to achieve a new degree or added expertise? Is it financially feasible? There are many scholarship and grant programs you can take advantage of to gain the education you need for your new career. Also, think about cutting back on work hours and taking evening classes in order to gain the expertise you need to change careers.

A colleague from that advertising agency left the year before I did to pursue a career as a pastry chef. She took courses, learned the trade and a decade later is enormously successful in a career she loves.

I was also lucky. I took education courses and cut back on my hours at the advertising agency by becoming a freelancer in order to achieve my teaching certificate. It worked well for me. To this day teaching is exactly what I am doing, and I have never looked back. My former career in advertising is in the past and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Published on June 10 on Singlemindedwomen.com

Fighting for the Educational Needs of Your Learning Disabled Child: Know Your Rights

The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) “requires public schools to make available to all eligible children with disabilities, a free appropriate public education in the least restrictive environment, appropriate to their individual needs.”
IDEA also requires public schools to develop an Individualized Education Programs (IEP’s) for each child with a disability. These plans include all special education and related services that will fulfill the educational needs of these students.
This all sounds great in theory. In reality, parents of learning disabled children have to fight for their children from day one. If you suspect your child has a learning disability, it can be an uphill battle to have her evaluated by the school district and to ensure she is receiving all the services available to her. Just ask Nancy Graves, mother to a learning disabled child, Danielle, and co-author of Surviving Learning Disabilities Successfully: Sixteen Rules for Managing a Child’s Learning Disabilities.
Ms. Graves states in her book “Instead of starting with an attitude of believe everything they say until it is proven wrong, you should believe no one and believe nothing. Why? Because they (the school districts) are protecting their limited resources and their rules. That inherently puts you and the school at cross purposes and does not automatically provide what is best to meet your child’s needs. The school district’s financial and/or attitudinal constraints are not your problem.”
I have found there are three types of school systems. The first, the one you hope you live in, has a wonderful team of professionals who will immediately evaluate your child, develop an IEP with your input and make sure that IEP is followed to the letter by your child’s teachers.
The second type of school district means well, but they are overburdened, understaffed and drag their feet. This may be the school district with the “financial constraints” Ms. Graves mentions. You or your child’s teachers may express a concern in September that is not acknowledged until June. Now your child has spent the entire school year needlessly struggling, losing more and more confidence, and possibly developing a dislike for school and learning.
The third type of school district is the antagonistic district. This is the school district with the “attitudinal constraints” mentioned above. Here, they blatantly refuse to have your child evaluated, and if they finally do, they will fight against anything you want to make your child’s education a success. Fortunately these districts are usually few and far between.
My first piece of advice is to talk to other parents of learning disabled children and find out what type of school system your child is attending. Information and knowing what you are up against is your best weapon.
Second, you don’t have to do it alone. Even if your child is attending the first type of school district, get an advocate. You can contact the National Center for Learning Disabilities and they will connect you with an advocate. An advocate is simply someone who will work with families to ensure that a child is provided with an IEP that truly meets her needs. They will work with you and the districts’ team of professionals to develop an appropriate plan and to monitor the effectiveness of the plan.
If your child is attending the second or third type of school district, I suggest seeking out a private evaluation. Don’t count on these types of districts to evaluation your child in a timely manner, if at all. You can ask your pediatrician or other parents for recommendations. Also, Internet Special Education Resources will provide you with a nationwide directory of evaluation and advocacy services. Once you are armed with the information from a private evaluation, a school district will have to act sooner rather than later.
Finally, you are your child’s best advocate. No one knows your child better than you. Follow your gut. As Ms. Graves states, “You are the only person who can act on behalf of your child.” If you do not feel the school district is doing enough for your child, make a nuisance out of yourself. Unfortunately the harsh reality is that the squeakiest wheel gets the most oil.

Published on Singlemindedwomen.com on May 25, 2008

Breaking Up is Hard to Do
Relationship Advice
By Sandra Duffy, posted 4/10/2008 at 8:25:01 PM

Several years back, there was a great episode of Seinfeld where Elaine was dating a man who kept getting physically assaulted by women everywhere they went. She came to find out he was a “bad breaker-upper.”

Rarely does a relationship, or even a casual dating situation, end with the drama we see on television and in the movies—the hero or heroine walking into the bedroom to find their significant other in bed with another person. Violence and tears erupt. Someone inevitably is chased out of the bedroom naked. Most relationships, however, simply fizzle out. But why are we so bad at breaking up?

I have been on both the receiving and giving ends of break-ups. While some ended maturely with a face-to-face talk about how the relationship wasn’t working for various reasons, many ended with either drama or avoidance.

In the dramatic break-ups one party very often cheats on the other as an excuse to get out of the relationship. I had one former boyfriend cheat on me with a one-night stand, move clear across the country, and then let me find out about his indiscretion once he was 2000 miles away. Obviously I was much better off without someone who displayed such an act of cowardice, but almost twenty years later I still remember how confused and hurt I was.

I know that I have been guilty of what is probably the most popular break up tactic, the “avoidance break up”. This entails not returning phone calls and consistently making myself unavailable until the other party finally gets the hint that I am no longer interested--not a very mature way of handling a break up and certainly not something I am proud of.

I finally learned how to have a mature break-up. It involves face-to-face contact and complete honesty. Wouldn’t we all prefer to know for sure that the relationship is over and the reasons why, so that we can move on and not constantly wonder what went wrong?

Ironically, the men with whom I have shared mature break-ups are still in my life, at least peripherally. One offered his support when my husband was diagnosed with cancer and another has used his contacts to help me publicize a chartable cause that is close to my heart.

In the end, a mature break-up is a win-win for everyone involved.


In a Bad Break-Up...

• One of you lies to the other as to why you must move on.
  
• One of you is angry, probably over some small incident. And it usually has nothing to do with the real issues tearing you apart.
• Both of you are resentful—and show it in how you treat each other, and what you say to others about what has happened.
• The chance to say "I'm sorry it didn't work out" is never reached, because the break-up wasn't based on honesty in the first place

In a Good Break-Up...

• You talk honestly, and with respect, to your partner as to why you feel it isn't working.
• You let your partner have his say, too—without getting mad or defensive.
• You acknowledge what you'll miss about the relationship, and say it to him. That might at least salvage the friendship.
• You treat him, his possessions, and his friends and family with the same respect you anticipate in return.
  

Published on May 8 on Singlemindedwomen.com

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